Narcissistic Abuse in the Workplace: My Personal Story

When we think of narcissistic abuse, we often associate it with romantic or parental relationships. However, what many people fail to recognise is that narcissistic abuse can occur in the workplace, too.

As someone who has experienced it first hand, I feel compelled to share my story and shed light on this important topic. A few years ago, I landed what I thought was an amazing job opportunity. However, it quickly turned into the worst 11 months of my life.

I found myself working for a boss who was an overt narcissist. If you've ever worked with one or been in relationship with one, then you would know that they have a grandiose sense of self.

To add to his unrealistic sense of superiority, his outer world reflected his inner chaos. He would arrive at work and immediately turn the office into absolute disarray. He called his direct reports out of important meetings and made them scurry across office blocks to meet with him. When they got there, he would make them wait because he was on an "important" phone call.

Everything was always urgent, everything was always rushed, everything was always dread and doom, mostly as a result of his own doing. But that was the way he felt a sense of purpose and importance. He spoke disrespectfully to his staff, barked orders, bullied, coerced, manipulated, and would gaslight us.

He expected us to kowtow to his every whim, as though he were God. Despite the fact that we worked long hours, he would've liked to have us on call 24 hours if he could. He didn't care if you had a family to go home to or children to put to bed at night. All he cared about was himself, his needs, and his perceived image.

I remember a few times where he demanded that I contact event organisers and request that they reschedule an event involving hundreds of people and VIPs simply because he couldn't make it. I know it sounds unbelievable, but sadly true!

You may be wondering at this stage why I put up with it. The truth is, I was desperate for a job, and I didn't want to admit defeat. More importantly, though is the fact that this experience reflected the unhealed wounded parts of me.

At the time, I believed I was strong and that I could handle it. Even though, on a regular basis, he would gaslight me, project his own shortcomings onto me, and verbally abuse me when he had a bad day or received negative feedback from his manager (also a narcissist). Somehow, everything was my fault or someone else's, never his, which I soon learnt to be a common trait of a narcissist!

I walked on eggs shells every day, never knowing if it would be a good or bad day or if he would be nice to me or if he would be nasty. Everything was always about him and how it would benefit him and make him look good.

What I did recognise was that he had very low self-esteem. He was constantly worried about what others thought of him and what people were doing or saying about him. He was so afraid of being ridiculed and wanted so desperately to be liked and revered. His actions though, towards those that worked with him and for him quite the contrary.

To those who didn't know him well, he seemed charismatic, genuine and caring. But little did they know that he was both Jekyll and Hyde. He lied and manipulated people effortlessly and believed his own lies whole-heartedly.

There were days when I would see a glimpse of humanity and kindness in him, but that would quickly fade away like a desert mirage. This I soon learnt was the trait of a narcissist - an empty shell with no real identity.

Sadly for me though, I would go home every day feeling enraged, frustrated, exhausted, and defeated. Nothing I did was ever good enough, even though everyone, including myself, knew I was doing an amazing job.

But you see, narcissists are phenomenal at gaslighting; they make you question your abilities, worth, thoughts, beliefs, and sanity. I became depressed, suffered from insomnia that would last for days, gained excessive weight, and my hormone levels were abnormal. My body was screaming, "No more! Get out of there!"

In fact, the specialist that I saw at the time was stumped. He told me that he had never seen such abnormal hormone levels in any of his patients before. My nervous system and body had hit it’s tipping point. Such is the effect when you deal with a narcissist.

As an article in Psychology Today, stated, “get used to losing sleep, feeling anxious, restless, less in control, becoming increasingly worried, perhaps even developing psychosomatic ailments" when dealing with a narcissist. And I experienced exactly all of those things.

This experience solidified my believe that the mind and body are inextricably linked. Prolonged stressful events in ones life can cause unexplainable havoc in our bodies and cause all sorts of disease.

Sadly though, I wasn’t the only one subjected to this psychological and emotional abuse. Why his behaviour was tolerated and accepted for years, speaks volumes of the toxicity, culture and leadership in the organisation that condoned and accepted his behaviour.

But the silver lining for me was that I got out! I refused to stay in a job and toxic work environment that was quite literally slowly killing me from inside out.

Despite, what felt like hell at the time, I believe was part of my own healing journey, because through that experience I found my purpose and calling. This experience was the impetus for me to finally train as a Rapid Transformational Therapist.

Today I am doing what I love and am truly passionate about, teaching and helping people transform their lives through unlocking the power of their subconscious mind and healing their past unresolved wounds (trauma).

Through adversity comes strength, growth, and opportunity.